Hm. Today I was reading a blogpost in my RSS feeder and came across a post on a blog called “Cruel Shoes” about teacher burnout. The author gave some advice about self reflection and care which included staying out of the teacher’s lounge, as it can be a source of negativity. I clicked over to make a comment about that, and found two comments which both mentioned the importance of keeping a private journal about teaching, NOT putting it in a public blog as some do. I decided against leaving a comment, and began to think about this blog.
I began to use it last fall as a kind of “research” or inquiry log, recording my thoughts as I traversed this school year, my first of middle school. The blog pretty much reflects my year, the ups and downs, the joy and the frustrations, I think. Some posts I have kept private as I don’t want to reveal everything to the world. Sometimes I feel discouraged and worse, and those I make private. But still, I wonder. I felt as though those commenters had read my blog and were reprimanding or judging me for having written as I have.
So now I’m rethinking it all. Do I use this blog as a place to complain? Should most of these posts be kept private? Should I shut it down entirely and return to my journal that no one ever reads? What is my point in reflecting in such a public way? Hmmm, my reasons would be:
1. Maybe others feel the same way and we can provide mutual support. (Not exactly, since I receive few comments.)
2. Maybe someone can give me an idea or two about how to be better at this new thing. (Ditto above.)
3. Maybe once I get through the miasma of a new teaching experience, I will come up with some good ideas that could help someone else. (That seems to be uncomfortably far off in the future, I’m afraid.)
4. Maybe I just feel supported because people do read it. The stats tell me so. It hadn’t occurred to me until today that maybe I should rather feel judged…
I have to think about this. It may take a little while.